The Wedding

I never had time to comment on the wedding of Paula and Brian, which took place on June 7th in Santa Monica. In a nutshell, it was a fantastic celebration that went off without a hitch.

Yoko, Jessie and I left for Los Angeles on Tuesday, June 3rd. We wanted to be there ahead of Yoko's sister, who was planning to arrive on Wednesday, June 4th. We stayed at the airport Radison on the 3rd and then moved to the Santa Monica Lowes the morning of the 4th. Noriko, Ryunosuke and Yurika arrived at the Lowes around noon on the 4th. We hung out at the pool and generally did nothing that first day. I had finished chemo on May 30th and we wanted to be sure that I would not be sick at the wedding. On Thursday the 5th we took Noriko and the kids down to the beach and then walked around the Santa Monica Pier. We made our way to the Third Street Promenade, where we met up with June, Paula and Brian for what turned out to be an impromptu family luncheon at an Italian restaurant, Tresteverde.

The day before the wedding, June 6th, Brian, Mike (Brian's Dad) and I played golf at the Malibu Country Club, which is about 6 miles inland from the Coast Road (Route One) in Malibu. This is a hilly golf course in the Malibu canyons. The course was beautiful, but I played poorly and was roundly beat by my future son-in-law. We had lunch at the course and made it back the hotel in time to take a nap and get ready for the wedding rehearsal.

While I was golfing, Yoko and our entourage, moved from the Santa Monica Lowes to Shutters on the Beach. I learned when I got to the hotel that, in the move, Yoko had neglected to take my cell phone charger. Presumably it was still in the room at the Lowes. This left me with a cell phone half out of juice. The rehearsal was at 5 PM followed by the rehearsal diner at 7:30 at an outdoor Italian restaurant near Venice Beach. The rehearsal started and ended in about 15 minutes. With about 2 hours kill, I decided to go to the Lowes to see if I could recover my charger. That turned out to be wild goose chase. First I went to the front desk, to see if someone had recovered the charger. They sent me to security, in the basement, who had boxes and boxes of cell phone chargers (no two of which were the same!). The security guard then walked me up to the room to check and see if it was still plugged into the wall. (It wasn't.) An hour and a half later, I finally gave up and returned to the hotel for our ride to the rehersal dinner.

The rehearsal dinner took place at the kind of place that offers basic Italian fare (macaroni and meatballs) and lots of Chianti. Everyone had a good time. Paula and Brian had gifts for the bridesmaids and groomsmen as well as to Brian's parents and Yoko and I. They presented the parents with framed caricature drawing of the wedding party. It was a nice memento of the wedding that we have since hung in Jessie's bedroom.

After the rehearsal dinner, we went back to the hotel. Yoko and I had plans to meet John and Kumiko Sunley at 10 PM for drinks in the lobby of the Casa del Mar Hotel, next to Shutters. Yoko and I were there almost an hour before anyone showed. Eventually, my whole family started to trickle in...first Jane and David, my Mom, my brother Frank and his kids, then Linda, and Peggy and Jim Mahan and their two kids, then the Sunleys, then my other nieces and nephews. By the time everyone had gathered there must have been 40 people sitting around drinking. Luckily, everyone was tired and the gathering dissipated relatively early.

To be honest, I don't remember much about the day of the wedding, except that I had a lot of time to kill. My phone had run out of juice and I decided that I would go to Circuit City to get a replacement. I took a cab to the store, bought a charger while the cab waited, and returned to the hotel. Total cost....$83. I told the cab driver on the way back that my daughter was being married in Santa Monica and I felt like a one-man stimulus package!

The rest of the day was spent waiting around for the ceremony to begin. People have asked me if I cried at my daughter's wedding...and I like to joke that no...I cried weeks before when I wrote the check! The reality was that the wedding and the setting was beautiful and I was overcome with emotion walking my daughter down the isle.

We had a strategy to reduce the cost of the open bar. When the ceremony ended, we had 100 Mimosa ready for our 158 guests, so they could immediately have a drink without having to crowd up to the open bar. That worked out well. It was great to see so many of our friends gathered to wish our family well. (In many cases, our friends from Japan had never met our friends from Florida, or our really old friends from PA!)

People moved down to the reception at 7:30PM as scheduled. The reception began at 8 PM. I had two big moments during the reception. The first was my short speech, which I diligently worked on the week before. The second was the selection of the "Father-Daughter Dance Song." I choose "Dance with My Father" by Luther Vandross. I think the speech and my choice of a song were big hits. Selecting the song took months...and keeping my selection a secret turned out to be a good idea, I think.

All in all, it seemed that everyone had a good time (without getting sloppy drunk) and the wedding was a rousing success. It was a year in the planning and over in an instant.

The guests were given a parting gift of M&Ms, inside of which was a message from Paula and Brian that said, "It means so much to have you here today that we wanted to say thank you in a very special way. Though this gift could never repay you what we owe for your time, love and friendship, please take one as you go. In lieu of a traditional favor we have made a contribution in support of our loved ones to The Lung Cancer Alliance. We feel the finest gift is one that helps others live longer and healthier lives." (Yoko reminded me that I neglected to mention this in my original post, but we were truly touched and proud that Paula and Brian would make such a thoughtful gesture.)

For posterity's sake, I'll end this by posting my wedding speech, which was as follows:

Abraham Lincoln once said that the concept of two people living together for 25 years without a serious dispute, suggests a lack of spirit to be admired only in sheep.

Speaking for Yoko and myself, the first thing I want to say… is to Brian. We are so glad you found Paula and that Paula found you. In a marriage, BEING the right person is as important as finding the right person. We know you love Paula deeply and are the right man for her. We know you will try hard each and every day to make her happy. And it won’t be easy. My marital advice to you is never go to bed angry. Stay up and fight.

I also want to thank Margaret, Mike, Patrick and Kristin for making Paula feel like a Mara. We couldn't be happier that you are now her in-laws. We thank you for welcoming her into your family with open arms. Since you are all come from law-enforcement, I know she’ll be safe from crime and can look forward to a good pension.

Paula, I must say you are the most radiant bride I have ever seen. You look beautiful and so happy. I also have some marital advice to you that comes from Oscar Wilde. He said, "A man’s friends likes him and leaves him as he is; but a wife loves him and is always trying to turn him into someone else." You told me Brian is perfect for you…now leave him alone! You’ve done a marvelous job getting ready for this day. Congratulations sweetheart! I love you!

The funny thing about this wedding is virtually no one attending tonight actually lives here. I want to thank all of our other guests for taking time to attend and everything you have done for Brian and Paula. Some of you came from a great distance to be here. Yoko and I know what a sacrifice it was for ALL of you to come and we want to thank you for making such a special effort to be here. We could not be happier to have the chance to spend time with all of you. I hope you will have a good time celebrating this day with us. We love you all.

I’d like you to all now join me in a Japanese toast to the bride and groom. Repeat after me…Kampai!