The Lesson of Carrots, Eggs and Coffee

A friend of mine sent me this little story of inspiration. It is something to be taken to heart!

Carrot, Egg and Coffee...

A young woman went to her mother and complained about life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of the everyday fighting and struggling. It seemed that when one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother beckoned her into the kitchen and boiled three pots of water. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans.

She let them all boil for a while without saying a word. In time she turned off the burners and fished out the the carrots, eggs and coffee, placing each in a separate bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, "Tell me what you see.""Carrots, eggs, and coffee," the daughter replied.

Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg. Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its flavor and smelled the rich aroma. The daughter then asked, "What is your point, mother?"

Her mother explained how each of these objects had faced the same adversity - boiling water. Each reacted differently.The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. But the ground coffee beans subjected to boiling water had changed the water itself. "Which are you?" she asked her daughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?"

Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean, that changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain? When the water gets hot, it releases its fragrance and flavor.

If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate yourself to another level? How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy. The happiest people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes their way.

The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can't go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heart aches. When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so at the end, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.

Confidence Shaken

I am working hard on getting through a crisis of confidence. I am the enternal optimist, always thinking that things will be better tomorrow. This year has been a real test. I have been dealing with the worst market since the great depression while battling lung cancer.

The market collapse has hurt all of my clients. I saw something like this coming and I said so last April at a client dinner. I said that the real estate bust could lead to financial chaos, as it did in Japan in 1989. In the back of my mind, I thought the US and Japan were too different and the financial debacle that befell Japan would not happen here. Nevertheless, I should have raised more cash. I simply lacked the confidence of my convictions. I have been about 15 - 20% in cash through all of this. In retrospect I wish I were 50% cash.

Following the collapse of banking we are now facing the collapse of the auto industry, which was once the economic backbone of the country. Yesterday we learned about a Wall Street firm's $50 billion rip off of investors. Bernie Madoff was the former Chairman of NASDAQ! What is the world coming to? It feels like everything is falling apart!

Every piece of advice I have given people has not worked out as I had hoped. Until now, in my career I have followed the conventional wisdom of Wall Street. I have preached diversification, not timing the market, and investing for the long hall. But I have begun to question this wisdom. I am now focusing on just a few stocks that are industry leaders and positioned to do well over the next 3 - 5 years. Companies like McDonalds, Exxon Mobile, Johnson and Johnson, 3M, Boeing, Wells Fargo, etc. I am positioning clients so that, in the future we need to raise cash, I can do it easily.

One thing I have noticed is that there are a lot of brokers who are successful and have NO concern about doing the right thing for their clients. They put themselves first -- called YTB (yield to broker). Their only concern is how to line their pockets. I see it every day. People like me who are less concerned about money and more concerned about doing the right thing and taking care of people do not benefit from being honest and having integrity. Unfortunately, it appears to me that the public can not tell the difference between me and a greedy broker. That hurts.

The last piece of bad news that has shaken my confidence is Kevin Mahoney, my manager at Morgan Stanley who was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer last year, but who was doing well until recently. Turns out that the cancer is back and they are going to try to remove the tumor. Kevin had beaten the odds, so this is a real set back. It makes me wonder...have I beaten the odds, or is more bad news yet to come.

Leisure Time? There's No Rest for the Weary

I have been working hard lately. Last night I was in the office until 9 PM....and tonight I was there until 8PM. It is almost 11 PM and I am still sitting in front of the computer at home trying to get things done. I read the LCA website every day http://www.inspire.com/groups/lung-cancer-alliance-survivors/ and half the time I leave the site in tears. (Tonight I found the shocking story of a 15 year old girl who was diagnosed with Stage IV lung cancer. You can learn more about her story at http://www.haleydyal.com/. )

The more I read about lung cancer, the more angry I become and the more determined I become to do something while I am healthy.

I am going to organize the Florida Chapter of Lung Cancer Alliance. I have a number of friends in mind to help me, including Dr. Matt DeFilipis, whose father is fighting lung cancer, Mary Grace Lorah, whose sister died this year from lung cancer, Walter (who I played golf with this weekend), who also had a sister that died of lung cancer a few months ago, Jen Wadsworth, my editor at the Sun, whose mother died from lung cancer, John Rioux, who is the Chief of Surgery at Fawcett and the hospital cancer spokesman, Dr. Cary Huber, who is a thorasic surgeon at Charlotte Regional and is very much on board with helping, and (I hope) Scott Lunin and Dave Rice . This would be a good "core team" but we will need to recruit a lot of volunteers to help.

My thoughts are that we would create the outline of an organization and a strategic plan regarding what we want to accomplish. We are going to need funding, political advocacy, public relations, platform development, etc.

I have the opportunity to speak in front of a number of groups next month with 30 or 40 people. These include Charlotte County Young Professionals, OCEAN (a caregiver organization), and Charlotte Harbor Rotary. Its a good opportunity to begin finding funding and volunteers.

Aside from the newspaper column, I have Project Graduation, St Vincent de Paul, our Rotary Club golf tournment, and lung cancer advocacy. There is so much I want to do (books I want to read, getting into an exercise routine, etc.) The problem is finding the time.

Another Decade? Oh No!

So I never wrote about what happened after we returned from Italy. We got back from the trip on Sunday, November 2nd. The following weekend we were scheduled to go up to the FSU/Clemson game. As it turned out, Yoko got a notice to report to the Immigration and Naturalization Service in Tampa for fingerprinting the Friday we were planning to go to Tallahassee. That turned out to be a blessing, since it was on our way. (Yoko was in and out in just a few minutes.)

The following Friday, November 14th, we had to go to New Port Richie (near Tampa) for my clinical trial shots, which I now get every six weeks. On Wednesday, November 12th, I had my most recent PET and CT Scans. The Monday after Dr Lunin called to tell me that my scans and blood tests were "perfect" and that there is no sign of the disease. I said, "I guess this means I can live another year" and Scott replied "You'll probably live another decade or two."

Damn. I had been preparing to die for the entire past year...and I was ready. Suddenly, I am going to live and now have to work till retirement! The recent downward slide of the stock market has not made this news any easier to take. My career as a stock broker has been a miserable experience so far ; I am not looking forward to guiding people thru the recession.

So now I have to sit back and examine my situation and try to imagine what the next few years will bring. Jessie has about 2 years to go before she finishes college. I'd certainly like to see that. That will be the year, I figure, that Paula and Brian will announce a grandchild is on the way. I'd certainly like to see that too. I figure June will get island fever and begin looking for another job somewhere in California....she is also bound to meet someone but I figure marriage maybe in the years 2012 or 2013. By that time Jessie will have figured out her career ambitions. I am hoping she will choose to work in California as well.

My commitment to Morgan Stanley goes to 2014. After that I can do what I want to do. By then the stock market will have recovered from current levels and home prices will be back to normal. I'll have the choice of staying here or moving to be closer to the kids, which is what Yoko wants. All this presumes I stay healthy, the market recovers, and no more disasters befall us. Whatever happens, its nice to be thinking about the long term again.

Lung Cancer Awareness Month

November marks Lung Cancer Awareness Month. It is going to be easy for me to remember because my cancer was diagnosed in the Fall of 2007 and I began initial treatments in November. It is important that readers of this blog tell their friends and neighbors that this month is lung cancer awareness month.

In commemoration, I am not asking that you make any dollar donation. I am asking you to sign the Lung Cancer Alliance Petition below and forward the website to people you know, asking them to sign the petition electronically. It only takes one minute. The petition asks that the federal government increase funding for lung cancer research by at least $250 million. Unfortunately, LCA only has 23,000 signatures so far. Won't you help? Put a comment on this post letting me know that you are responding!

http://www.lungcanceralliance.org/involved/lcam_month.html

Final Day in Italia

Today was our last day in Italy. Tomorrow morning early we head for home. We have a car coming for us at 6:50 AM...so that means we will be up at 6 AM and will have to eat breakfast at the airport.

We had no tour planned today, so we explored Rome on our own. We first took a walk from our hotel to the Boughesie (sp?) Gardens, which is like central park. We found our way to the National Gallery of Modern Art, where they had both painting and sculpture on display. We saw Degas, Van Gough, Ceszanne, Miro, Modriean, etc. It was a nice gallery and a nice change from the heavy art displayed at the Vatican. I really think the Catholic church needs to sell about two thirds of the stuff they have on display to galleries around the world. They should take the proceeds and create a fund for helping displaced people or something. It is a sin to have so much stuff not doing anyone any good. No wonder Martin Luther protested. I did not realize that the Reformation had its beginnings when the church instituted indulgences in order to decorate the Vatican. It was certainly enough to have broken the camel's back!

After visiting the national art gallery, we took a cab to Piazza de something or other....near the Trevi Fountain, where we understood there was shopping. We wanted to by some souveniers. Long story short, we ended up on a street that had stall after stall of local artists, basically going from The Spanish Steps to Piazza de Poppulo (sp?). There was some pretty interesting things to look at but nothing I would spend good money for. We did find a place that sold Persian carpets, but the one I had an eye on was $10,000! Next year I will take Yoko to Dubai and we can look for a carpet then!

Anyway, we made our way back to the hotel at about 5:30PM, so we were out and about walking for about 7 hours. I am beat.

Yoko wanted me to mention to musical events. One occurred last night. We went to Caffe de Paris on Via Veneto and there was a piano player/ singer who played a variety of songs. He was very good and made Yoko tear up several times over the course of the hour. Also, in Florence she wanted me to mention how much she enjoyed the guitar player we listened to in the main square (we bought 2 CDs) as well as an opera singer who was singing on the street for money.

Most of the places we visited cater to tourists. Everywhere you go there are people singing O Solo Mio and Vorarei. We had heard the accordian playing in the square, gondoliers singing, church bells ringing on the hour and half hour in nearly every city. The sights and sounds of Italy are just as you might imagine.

Everyone talks about how good the food is here. I must say it is good, but for the most part no better than what Yoko makes at home. The problem in Italy is that you really have no choice...it is Italian every day...morning, noon and night. I asked if there is a French restaurant in Florence and the consierge answered "no." It was like...are you crazy? Here in Rome our first meal out was Indian. We went to a place by cab recommended by the hotel. The food was good, but Yoko and I both thought that the Indian was "Italian style" meaning that even curry was cooked to taste like tomato sauce!

What are my most lasting impressions of Italy? I would say that, number one, people are very fashionable or fashion minded. Lots of branded stores everywhere. Everyone seems to have a lot of money, but then when you talk to them they complain that conversion of the lira to the euro has doubled the prices of things without a concurrent increase in wages. As a result, families need two incomes to survive, and that is breaking up the traditional nuclear family. This appears to be a country of the very rich and the merely surviving. We have not seen any slums or obviously poor areas. We did see a lot of gypsies and people begging for money, though I am given to understanding these beggers are drug adicts.

It is a beautiful country and certainly someplace everyone should visit. I think our stay here worked out just perfect. We saw a lot of six cities...Milano, Venice, Bologna, Sorrento, Naples and Rome. I have had enough and am looking forward to my return to the US.

Sorrento, Capri and Napoli and Now Rome

When we got to Sorrento they wanted 35 cents per minute for internet access. Obviously, I am not going to do that, so we have some catching up do do! One thing is for sure. We are not sitting on our hands.

We took the train from Florence to Naples. When we got to the station we had a driver waiting who took us from the station to our hotel, which was the Bellevue Syrene in Sorrento. The hotel is about 200 feet up off the ocean front. We had a seaside room with a view of the Bay of Sorrento and Mt Vesuvius. The room was really unusual. Very large, with mirrors, painted in purple and white. The view from the room was spectacular. Sorrento is a kind of old seaside resort. The only thing there is fishing and tourism. They are well known for lemon products, like lemoncello, lemon soap, etc. The first day we spent time walking around and getting to know the town.

On day two we had a tour of Capri, which is a 25 minute boat ride from Sorrento. The only way to describe Capri is captivating. This is the land of the rich and famous...kind of like Malibu. Everyone of note has a villa in Capri...and if you have to ask how much, you can't afford it! I have lots of pictures which I will post here. Words really don't do the island justice.

Our tour took the entire day. We saw every part of the island....taking a cable chair to the very top.

After hanging out in Sorrento for a few days we went on to Naples and Pompeii. We did not spend much time in Naples, but it looked like it could be an interesting place to visit were there more time. We did spend two hours touring the ruins of Pompeii. Very impressive. Apparently this is the largest excacation site in Europe and one of the largest in the world, next to Egypt.

We arrived in Rome from Naples yesterday. We spent last night getting familiar with our hotel, The Eden Hotel, and surrounding area. We are 10 minutes from the Spanish Steps and about 15 minutes from Trevi Fountain. Today we did a tour of the Vatican...the ususal, St Peter's Square and Bacillica, the Sisten Chapel, The Vatican Museum, etc. It is overwhelming. I had artwork overload. There is just not enough time to see it all. The best part was seeing the Pieta, which I have only seen copies of heretofore.

From the Vatican we took a cab to the Colleseum and from there walked back to the hotel. We stopped to see a gallery showing of Piccasso, which was very good. We also stoppped to see the Forum. It was about a 2 mile hike back to the hotel, so Yoko and I were both pooped by the time we got back. (We left for the Vatican at 9 AM and did not get back to the hotel till about 5 PM this evening.) We spent the evening enjoying the view from the Terrace Bar on the top of this hotel that looks out over the city of Rome. After that we went out and had dinner on Via Veneto, where we found a place that had a great piano player. It was a nice way to end the day. Yoko did not like the food, but the piano player made her cry, so all in all it was a success.

She is sitting next to me and wishes you all well. It is hard to believe that this trip is nearly over!

Last Day in Florence

Today was our last day in Florence. We started out the day as we normally do with breakfast in the hotel. We had a 10 AM appointment to visit the Uffizi Gallery, where we could see the progression of art from The Bysantine Period to the 17th century. There are over 50 rooms in the Uffizi. We had an audio guide that explained what we were seeing in each gallery. It is a great way to tour an art gallery. We saw all the great masters of the Rennaisance in this meseum. We were there for nearly three hours and saw just about every room.

We took a rest at a cafe in the gallery before heading on to lunch. We stopped for lunch at a place where they make Turkish wraps. Not the best choice. Yoko and I are both kind of sick of Italian every day and decided to eat at something NOT Italian last night. iI asked the concierge at the hotel if there was a French restaurant we could try and he unequivially said "there are no French restaurants in Florence". When I asked what he could suggest that was not Italian, he offered us Chinese! So last night we had Chinese at a place a few minutes from the hotel. Yoko had dunplings and a noodle soup; I had wanton soup and a beef and green pepper dish. For desert we had amindofu...yum. It was actually pretty good, though somewhat lacking in atmosphere.

Anyway, this afternoon, after lunch, we went to the Academia Gallery to see Michaelangelo's David. Very impressive. I had no idea that is was so big. They had a lot of sculpture in this gallery as well as a special display on Giotto, who was called the father of the Rennaisance. The gallery was not that large and we were in and out in an hour.

The rest of the afternoon we spent walking around the city. I bought a book called the Story of Art, that is a best selling art history book from the 1950's. Yoko bought some street art from people plying there wares in the Plazza. We listened to a suprano sing opera in one plaza, in another we listened to a guitarist. He was so good I bought two of his CDs! Anyway, it was a beautiful day...blue skys and 70 degrees, and a pgreat way to spend a Sunday.

E went to the Catherdral to hear mass, stopping at the Savoy for coffee and a lemonchillo. There was some special event going on...Bishop Guisepi was saying mass. The massive Duomo was filled to the brim with people. There was so many people, in fact, that they set up a large screen TV in the Piazza in front of the church, so the overflow crowed could watch.

Tonight we are going out for dinner at an upscale restaurant called Alle Murata, reccommended by the hotel. I am hoping it will be good.

tomorrow we head for Sorrento and the Amalfi Coast.

The Undoing of the Medici

The Medici Family were the dominent family in Florence for centuries. Today we visited the Ptti Palace whiich was the Medici residence in Florence. The Pitti Palace is very much like the Versailles Palace in France. The extravagance was remarkable. When you consider how poor the average person was, the kind of conspicous consumption is a bit overwhelming. We saw many of the great artists...including Ruebens, Van yke, Raphael, Titian, etc. Every room was gigantic and adorned with lavish murals, paintings, frescos, etc. All of it was acquired by the Medici family over hundreds of years. It made me wonder....whatever happened to the Medici Family? Are they still around today?

Our guide was a man named Pasquale. He explained that the last Medici was a woman, who was the last of the family line. Since there were no male heirs, she ended up making the city of Florence her benefactor. But the splendor of the palace and the unbelieable wealth, in the end, had no real value. In the end, the owners and the family died. No one remembers all the people whose portraits hang in the hallways. But they DO remember the painters! It is not what you are or who you are that is important, it is what you have done. I doubt that at the time the artisits realized that they would be more recognized by future generations than the patrons who paid them!

We are amazed and awe struck by the patience and talent of these past generations. What all this should really do is inspire us to do better. I was struck by the idea that young people should have the chance to be inspired by the past and learn from the mistakes as well as the accomplishments of our forebearers.

Firenze Frenzy

We moved from Balogna to Firenze (Florence) by train yesterday. That was unexciting, except to mention that we made it a point to get to the station early and be ready to board. When we got to the platform, I asked the conductor where our coach (coach 1) would be. He said it would be the last car, at the end of the platform. The only problem is that he pointed to the wrong end of the platform. When the train finally arrived, we were stuck racing down the platform 16 cars, getting on board just as the doors were about to close.

Our hotel is the Helvitia and Bristol, one of the top hotels in Florence. In each of the cities we have stayed thus far we have had luxurious accomodations. When I get back to the US I will post a few pictures. Suffice it to say, the rooms have been great, even though we are not getting a lot of use. Yoko and I just walked around the historic district yesterday, came back to the hotel, cleaned up and went to an 8 PM dinner at a place recommend by the hotel called Tratorria Trebbio, only a few minutes walk away. Yoko had minestrone soup and pasta pomodoro; I had bruchetta and grilled chicken. The food was delicious and relatively inexpensive. We made it back to the hotel by 11 PM.

This morning we had breakfast at the hotel and were then met by our driver/guide. This was an all day excursion out of the city of Florence and into the Tuscan countryside. The first place we stopped was the Masini terra cotta factory, where we were given a guided tour of this family run business in Inpruneta. Here they make giaint sisterns, decorated flower pots, cherubs, and other decorative items, sold all over the world. After the factory tour we went to a small town called Greve, where we could stroll around and have lunch. There were lots of little shops to see, backeries and deli's. Everywhere there is the dried hams hanging, wine and cheeze. These places do not smell as good as I remember the Italian deli's smelling when I was a kid. There are some pretty stong cheezes in these places that would just take your breath away. They are nonetheless fun to visit. The vegetable stores sell vegetables I don't recognize, but the ingregients look so fresh. It is no wonder the food tastes good.

After lunch we went to a small handbag factory, where they make prototype bags for all the big lables. We watched them cut and sew bags for Guchi and observed them measring custs of alligator hide. I remarked that we were from Florida and would be happy to become a supplier. She then showed us how they tag the skins to avoid purchasing poached hides. (Anyway, could make a nice side business and now we have an Italian connection!) After the tour we went to the showroom, where I insisted Yoko purchase a bag -- our ssecond souvenier of the trip. She found something in alligator!

The last stop of the day was the best. We went to a private castle at the top of a hill, where we were greeted by the German daughter-in-law of the owners. This place was called Castello Della Paneretta. The castle has been in existance since the 13th century and has a long and intersting history. It is surrounded by 11 acres of vineyard and 120 acres of woodland. They produce a true Chianti -- meaningthe grapes are only Sangiovese grapes or up to 10% Canaiolo, depending on the wine being produced. Apparently, there are many chanti's that mis international grapes (Merlot, Cabernet, etc.) and therefore are not true Chiantis. I asked about the Chanti in the straw-wrapped bottle. I only got a scoff. Apparently the most valuable part of that wine is the bottle.

Anyway, our guide (Patricia Eckert) is "partnered" with the son of Fabio Albesetti, the owner. She was telling us her story, which was quite interesting. She was working for a bank and was married to her first hiusband, who was a wine maker (which is a profession you study for, which I did not know.) She got divorced and met her current partner when in Italy doing something related to wine making. Anyway she moved to the family home about 6 months ago. Nice life, to say the least.

After giving us a tour of the winery, we went to a room where they had prepared lunch meats and cheeze. There were several bottle of wine and a desert wine to sample. We probably stayed over an hour sampling wine and chatting. Of course, we ended up buying a case to be shipped home. It was well worth the price and will be someplace we can continue to buy direct in the future.

After the wine tasting we drove to the city of Siena, where we went to see the plazza where they have the running of the horses each year. I forget the name ...da Plamo, or something. We had seen a discovery channel special about this not long ago. It is really something to see. Siena is on top of the mountain and quite difficult to get to, even by car. The streets are very very narrow and regular cars are not allowed in the historic district. Anyway, we were able to go through the city by car. I think if I was planning a future truip I would want to spend some time in Siena.

We did not get back to the hotel until 7 PM. We took a two hour nap and awoke to get something to eat. We decided on room service instead of going out. Tomorrow we are going on a guided tour of Florence, they day after we are free to tour the city ourselves. Today marks our first week in Italy. My, time does fly!

Bologna -- The Gastronomic Capital of Italy

We took the train from Venice to Balogna yesterday. Nothing to report, other than we were the only people getting off in Balogna. Everyone else was continuing on to Florence. Balogna is kind of an overlooked attraction. It does not get the tourists that other cities do, but that is not to say that there is not plenty to see here.

We had a walking tour of the city center with a guide yesterday. This is a city of students. The oldest university in Europe is the University of Balogna, dating back to around 1000 Ad. It is also home to some of the earliest churches in Europe. We visited the library, some churches, the first ampitheater for anatomy study, etc. The most interesting thing we heard on this tour is that the main church here is the target of Islamic terroists. The reason is that there is a fresco by Dante that shows hell. In this hell are non-believers, including the Mohammed. Apparently the fresco was painted in 1,400....but now Islamic terroist are targeting the church because of this. The world is insane.

The food markets here are something to see. They say that Balogna is the gastronomic capital of Italy and I can see why. Last night we went to Pappalago's, which is apparently one of the city's most famous restaraunts. I had salmon and peppers for an appetizer; Yoko had eggplant. Then she had sea bass and I had a pasta dish. Very good, indeed. For desert we had ice cream with hot blueberries and expresso with ameretto. Motto Bene!

Today we are leaving for Florence, where we will spend the next three or four days. I am looking forward to seeing this city. Hopefully, if there is a business center at the next hotel I can share a bit more of the traveloge.

Motto Bene, Venice

We made it to Venice from Milan with out a problem. The night before we left we had dinner at a place called da Bice, which is suppose to be a trendy restaurant in Milan. It was recommended by our guide. Yoko had ossobucco; I had veal cutlet Milanese style. The food was good...but Yoko's veal is MUCH better.

We took a train from Milano Station from 12:55 and arrived in Venice around 3:30 PM. The only incident to report about the train ride was the difficulty in finding our reserved seats. We were in First Class, Coach 1, seats 13 and 15. When we got onboard, there was no seat 13 and 15. The first number I saw started at 21... Well after searching around, we finally found someone who could show us the seat. For some reason, our seats were right before 21...but not in order!

When we got to Venice we had someone greet us and take us by private launch to the Gritti Palace Hotel, which is right on the Grand Canal. We have really enjoyed the city. The first night Yoko and I went exploring and tried to get lost in the narrow streets. Everywhere you turn is a picture. We had a nice dinner that night at a place we found. I had penne arabiata, Yoko had a pizza.

On the first full day in town we had a guided tour of Murano and Burano islands. Murano is where they make Venetian glass; Burano is famous for it fisheries and lace making. The glass blowing was fun to watch but then we were captured customers. They took us on a private tour of the showroom, with the salesman following us around. It was hard to not buy something! We broke down and purchased a glass sculpture, which we are having shipped home. I am sure we paid way too much, but one thing I have learned about the Italians is, if there is a way to make money, they are going to take it!

When we got got back from the tour we went to the Peggy Gugenheim museum of modern art. That was a very interesting collectioin. They had lots of artists that were living at the turn of the century. Turns out that Gugenheim was determined to use her inherited wealth to support living artists. These included Jackson Pollack, Picasso, Miro, etc. She moved to Venice, purchased a "palace" that she rennovated into a residence and museam and for the next 30 years lived here supporting the arts. Nice life, eh?

By far the best thing we have done so far is to attend an evening concert in a church next to San Marco Piazza. This was a once hour concert with a chamber orchestra featuring a saprano and tenor. The concert featured the most famous Italian arias from Vivaldi and Puccini. The music and the setting was so beautiful. All I could think was how happy my father would have been to be there to hear this. I was overcome with emotion and just lost it. Yoko and I both thought that this had been a highlight of the trip so far. Afterward (around 9 PM) we had dinner and ended the evening at a piano bar.

The next day we had a guided tour of the back streets of Venice. She took us to the Palazz0 Deucele, which was really quite large and lavishly decorated. Our guide explained the history of Venice, how the city was made, the government, the arts, etc. I thought to myself while listening to all of this that it would really be good to have all American high school students come to Europe and spend a week or two learning about European history. When I was in school it was hard to understand...but coming here helps to bring clarity.

After the morning tour, we found a Japanese restaurant, where would could have sushi and miso for lunch. (Not the best Japanese I have ever had.) The rest of the afternoon we spent exploring. In San Marco square they had a small orchestra playing, so we spent time in the cafe there listening to the music. I discovered something called the hot shot, which is galleano, expresso and cream, in three layers in a clear class. The galleano is yellow and sits on the bottom, the expresso is on top and the cream sit on top. Delicious.

Arrivederci Florida, Bueon Giorno Italia!

Yoko and I left Florida on my birthday, October 16th, to mark the one year survival since being diagnosed with lung cancer. Our flight from Florida (Delta Airlines) was uneventful. The only part of this trip that is not first class was the flights. (I could not see paying three times as much money to arrive on the same plane!) They did NOT, however, have to seat us for the 9 hour flight next to the lavatories. Besides the steady stream of traffic, we had no good view of a movie screen and, over time, every opening of the bathroom doors released an oder no decent human being would claim. The plane was also cold and I was affraid I was going to land in Milan with psnumonia. I was happy when we landed, to say the least!

Yoko and I passed through passport control and customs in less than an an hour and were greeted by a our driver sporting a sign with our name. Our black Mercedes was waiting for us at curbside and we were wisked away to our hotel. The airport is a bit of a ways from cental Milan and it took a while to navigate our way into town. As it turned out there was a transportation strike and demonstration happening on Friday morning, round the time we were trying to get to our hotel. Everytime we got close to our destination a Cabeneri would waive us away in the opposite direction. If it was not for the fact that I was hungy and tried and had to pee, I wouldn't have minded because we saw a lot of the city by private car!

The hotel we are staying at it is the Carlton Baglioni Hotel on Via Sento. You can check it out at ww.baglionihotels.com. The hotel is very convenient in the heart of central Milan near the shopping. After arriving we took a shower (our room is a suite with a great overhead pour down shower) and then slept for a few hours. In the early evening we got up and went for a short stroll around the hotel. The weather was perfect and the area immediately behind the hotel (Via della Spiza) is a pedestrian only street that goes for maybe half a mile with shops (Armani, Prada, Tiffany) on both sides of the street. After returning to the hotel we went to the bar for a drink and loitered there in the outside terrace for an hour or so. We made reservations for dinner for 9 PM and returned to the room....but at 8 PM we were both too tired to eat. We ended up canceling our dinner reservation and sleeping for the rest of the night.

Yoko woke up around 2 AM and could not sleep, so she woke me as well! We watched TV until we both fell asleep again at 3 AM. We were up at 6:30 AM to prepare for our first tour of the trip. We had breakfast (complimentary) at the hotel and were then greeted by Ms Sara Santa, a Japanese speaking Italian tour guide. Her Japanese and English were excellent. We hopped a cab to to the Santa Maria delle Grazie church. Next to the church is the convent which houses Leonardo de Vinci's Last Supper. The painting is huge, covering an entire wall which was the convent's cafeteria. You need tickets and reservations and only 1000 people a day are allowed in to see the painting...so very few people will ever see it in their lifetime. Also, the painting is fading over time and will not be something people will be able to see in a few more hundred years, despite the Italians best efforts to preserve it.

One thing I did learn, which was surprising, was that the Allied bombing of Milan in WWII destroyed the convent. The room where the Last Supper was painted was destroyed as well, but the painting itself was not. They say it is another miracle related to the painting.

After seeing the Last Supper, we went for a stroll through downtown Milan. First we went to Castello Sforzecs, which lies on the northern end of the cental city. After that we went to see the Duomo, which is an all marble cathedral that took more than 600 years to build. Our walking tour ended in front of La Scalla. From there Yoko and I went to Galleria Vittorio Emanuele II, where we had tea and coffee at the famous Sivino's. From there we walked back to our hotel to rest.

In the afternoon we had a quick bite to eat at a local place where they served Italian sandwiches and the like. I had gnoci al la pomodero...not my favorite. Yoko had roasted vegetables. After that we returned to the room. Yoko had a bubble bath and I went for a relaxing massage.

Tonight we are going out to diner at a place called da Bice, which our guide had recommended as the one place to go in town if you have only one night to go somewhere. We have 8 PM dinner reservations.

So far everything is going smoothly. I am looking forward to leaving for Venice tomorrow. Arrivederci y'all.

No More Treatments!

It has been a while since I have added to the blog. I've been busy.

This Friday, October 10th, was the last day of the main part of the clinical trial. I got through the entire eight weeks without any significant problems. Throughout the trial I have I had "flu like symptoms" but nothing too debilitating. Each week has been something different. Sore throat, ear aches, headaches, fatigue and joint pain have all come and gone in different weeks. The worst part has been driving up and back the clinic each week (2 hours each way). Now that the main part of the trial is over, I only have to go back every six weeks for booster shots. Next week I have go back for a blood test, see the doctor, and take a "quality of life" survey. That will be the last visit until November 21st, when I get my first booster. Sometime in November I also have to have a PET and CT Scans to check on whether there is any progression of the disease.

What are my current symptoms? I have some pain in the nasal passages in my forehead...feels like a black and blue just above my eyebrows. I can not open my mouth fully. I have what feels like lock-jaw when I try to take a big bite of something. I have peripheral neuropathy, which I feel mostly in my toes and feet. My fingers are also a bit affected. My feet feel numb and so do my fingers a little. I have costcocondritis, which only hurts if I am stationary too long. It bothers me if I sit for two hours in a chair, say watching football. If I get up and stretch, it goes away. I have noticed that I do not get through the night without having to get up to pee at least once. I guess my kidneys are not what they were. I have a cough and I wheeze a bit, probably a result of the radiation. My hair has not yet grown back, but it appears to be making some "headway"! All of this probably paints an image of me coming apart piece by piece, but in fact I look and feel pretty healthy, all things considered.

The next stage of my recovery has got to be working on my mental state and trying to stay positive. The severe drop in the stock market these last few weeks has been very wearing. First I get diagnosed with cancer....and just when we are getting over this disaster, we experience the worst week in the market since the great depression! Give me a break!

I have been thinking for years that a dark cloud has been following me around, since my days at Arthur Andersen. I guess life was just too good back then and now we are paying the price! (In Japanese, Bachi ga attaru.) Think about the disasters we have weathered in the last 10 years: loss of my business and most of our savings in 1997, the stock market collapse starting in 2000 right after joining Smith Barney, the terrorist attack on the World Trade Center in 2001; the death of Yoko's Dad in 2001, my Dad in 2002 and Yoko's Mom in 2004, the loss of our house in hurricane Charley in 2004 and living in temporary housing in 2005; the shut down of Smith Barney's office in 2007 and then my diagnosis of cancer last October. This year has been about the market meltdown, which has turned the financial services industry upside down. Somehow, we have gotten through it all. That's life, I guess.

Next week Yoko and I are leaving for a two week tour of Italy. I am going to try to just forget all our worries for the next few weeks and enjoy. Right now I am feeling a little guilty about leaving when there is such market turmoil, but we've been planning this trip for the last six months. I don't know when I would again be in a position to travel like this, so we are going. I would feel better about leaving if the market begins to come back next week! Let's hope for sunshine and fair weather!

Travel Plans

My sister Linda is coming down from Pennsylvania to visit on September 26th for the weekend. After that, Yoko and I are headed to Italy. We leave on October 16th (my birthday) for a two week overseas vacation extravaganza. (By that time I will be done with the main part of the clinical trial and will only have the booster shots, which are every six weeks forever.)

When we get back from Italy the plan is to make our way up to Tallahassee on November 8th to see FSU play Clemson. I am planning to rent an RV for the weekend to see how we like it. (I've been trying to convince Yoko that it would be fun to take a month or two to RV across the US, but so far the answer is "No way Jose!" Maybe a weekend trip in an RV can turn her around!)

Peggy has invited the family to Houston for Thanksgiving. It is a good idea as Linda would be going and could take Mom, Kelly is there already, its an easy trip for us to make, etc. I have not heard that everyone has said yes yet, but if we don't go to Peggy's, we'll go up to Pennsylvania.

The big debate has been what to do about Christmas. Yoko and I agreed that the best idea would be to have everyone (Paula and Brian, June and Jessica) here, provided they want to make the trip and have the time. If not, we would probably make plans to visit them in California and Hawaii in 2009.

I also want to make a trip to Japan sometime soon. Maybe in 2009 Yoko and I will be able to go?

Being In Limbo

I feel emotionally unsettled these days. One year ago I was ready to begin a new phase of my life as an empty nester. A month into it, I discovered I have lung cancer. My world was turned upside down. This time last year I didn't know if I would live a year. I was more worried about being disabled than dying. And I worried about what would happen to my wife and daughters.

Here we are nearly one year later and I am still trucking along, as I did before, not too badly impacted by the treatments, which have been nearly non-stop. Thankfully, the treatments have worked well on me and I show "no evidence of disease" as I write this. But you have to wonder, how long will I remain cancer free? How long will it be before it recurs? Fact is, I don't know if I will be having more problems soon or years from now. It is unknowable.

I feel like I am in limbo, unable to move forward with life and I am not sure now how exactly to proceed. Paula is married and living in California. June is in Hawaii. Jessie is in school in Florida. I am locked into my job with Morgan Stanley for six more years (my employment contract is for 7 years).

I was thinking that I would like to get Yoko situated, in case I am not here. I think it is unlikely that she would stay in Florida very long if I am not here. But where would she go? We have lots of friends and strong support here. Moving to a new area would mean having to start over. Yoko could do it on her own, I suppose, but I would rather be there to help her make a the transition to a new place.

I think she would like to move out West. California is certainly one possibility. Yoko might be interested in living in La Jolla, near Yuko Campbell, who is like a sister. I just think La Jolla is beyond the pale when it comes to expensive. I thought Palm Springs would be nice, and a little less expensive, but Yoko is not real keen on the heat. So we will have to be looking.

One thought I had was to sell our current home, pay off the mortgage, and build a new place in a golf community here in Punta Gorda and have no mortgage. We are looking into this now. It really depends on how much we might sell our home for today. What I would be doing is swapping one place for another, but at the same time downsizing into something that is relatively inexpensive today but with a better chance to appreciate down the road. I would be putting Yoko in a position where, if I was not around, she could continue on with low overhead. We would still be in this area so she could still benefit from the help of friends.

Another possibility is to just stay where we are and pay off most of the mortgage over the next year. If I last six years, and I am free to move, maybe at that time I transfer to a Morgan Stanley office out West and sell my Punta Gorda business to my partner. Uncertainty makes it hard to make any plans.

I decided to work from home today. I just did not feel like going into the office, and besides, I can access my desktop remotely from home. I have done a little bit of work, but I feel distracted and anxious. Is there ever a time in your life when you are worry free?

CBS Sunday Morning

Well, when it rains it pours. This past Sunday the CBS Sunday Morning news program had a segment on lung cancer. If you missed it, I have included the link for you to view it. The doctor featured is on the medical advisory board to Lung Cancer Alliance.

All of a sudden, we are getting a bit of national attention and people are starting to listen. We need to continue to build the momentum.

If you would like to see a replay, here is the link:

http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=4401751n

Stand Up 2 Cancer -- September 5th

I guess someone is listening when I said there is not enough money being devoted to cancer research, especially, lung cancer research and early detection. I don't want to take money away from breast cancer research or other cancer research, but I do believe there should be a lot more money available for lung cancer research and early detection.

On September 5th there is going be be a nationally televised TV fundraiser to raise money for cancer research and to raise awareness of the need for the federal government to provide more funding for cancer research.

The fact of the matter is that if there are dollars available, there will be researchers willing and able to undertake important research. Without grant money available, the research will not take place. Example: I wanted to know whether it would be a good idea to have PCI (whole brain radiation) done as a preventative. No one can tell you whether it is a good idea or not: there is no medical research on the subject. Why not? You would think it is a no brainer (no pun intended) that someone would have by now investigated whether the use of WBR is a good idea for Stage III NCSLC patients who are stable. The lack of what Scott Lunin refers to as "hard medical evidence" is a side effect of the lack of funding. We don't know even what the most efficacious treatment courses are for people in my condition.

Anyway, if you are reading this post, I would like to get you on my team. I have created a team and am trying to raise $10,000 for cancer research by September 5th. My web-site is: http://su2c.standup2cancer.org:80/mysu2c/team/view/2547 Please join my team and tell your friends!

Ever Hear of Costochondritis?

Ok. Here's a new one. When I sit too long (in my easy chair or for more than an hour or two in the car) I start to get a pain in my chest. The pain feels like it is between the ribs. It is a sharp pain and the longer I sit, the more it hurts. If I get up and strech, the pain subsides. But getting out of the chair feels like walking into a sharp knife.

This has been going on for a while, but it became very bothersome on the drive back from Washington DC and I have noticed it get worse since getting back home. I learned my lesson about ignoring unusual aches and pains and finally decided to ask Scott Lunin about this He suggested that it could be costochondritis and suggested some Motrin.

Costochondritis is an inflammation of the cartilage that connects a rib to the breastbone (sternum). It causes sharp pain in the costosternal joint — where your ribs and breastbone are joined by rubbery cartilage. Pain caused by costochondritis may mimic that of a heart attack or other heart conditions. Most cases of costochondritis have no apparent cause. Treatment focuses on easing pain while waiting for costochondritis to resolve on its own.

I never knew there were joints in the rib cage. Other than this annoying pain, I feel good, In fact, I feel better every day. I am not as tired as I was. The next stage of my recovery will be to exercise.

First Shots

I had the first shots of Stimuvax on Friday. Again, we drove to New Port Richie, thinking we would be in and out fairly quickly. Fact was that I did not even get the shots until noon, and then we had to wait one hour to see if I would have any adverse reaction. (I did not.) After we left the clinic, Yoko and I had lunch at Crispers (a salad place) and left for home around 2 PM, arriving at 4 PM. Again the trip to New Port Richie turns out to be an all day affair.

I did not feel good after getting chemo on Monday, which makes me think that I got the real deal and not the placebo. I was dragging all week. I went to bed at 7:30 PM on Friday so I could get up for golf at 5 AM Saturday morning. I made it out of bed, but shot a round of 96 at Rosemont CC yesterday. When I came home, I took a three hour nap. Last night I went to bed at my usual time (11 PM) and was up this morning at 6:30 for a 7:30 AM tee time. I was feeling pretty good and shot 81 at Bobcat Trail. The fact that I am here blogging instead of napping again is a good sign.

Ever since getting treatments I have not felt 100%. It is hard to describe. I have felt run down and lethargic. It is a kind of tiredness that you just don't shake. It is not incapacitating, but it does shut you down from doing much. I have not felt like doing anything until recently. Yoko keeps pushing me to exercise, but she does not seem to understand how tired I really am. I am glad to get out of bed and go to work everyday. Golf takes a lot out of me, although I must say last Sunday I played 36 holes without much trouble and I could have played 36 holes today. So I guess I am feeling better.

I was sorry to learn that Mary Grace Lorah's sister passed away. She was the same age and me and was diagnosed with Stage IIIA lung cancer last year. She did not do well with chemo and gave up the fight. It did not take long for her to succumb, which scares me. Matt Defilips' Dad is also fighting lung cancer. He was stable Stage IIIA, but they found the cancer has spread to the right lung and is in the pleura. They are looking at doing the talc treatment. It is heartbreaking to know so many people are having to fight this disease and so many are loosing the fight.

I thank my lucky stars that I have had such good fortune so far. I pray that my good luck will continue. Yoko thinks that having a goal helps continue a run of luck. My first goal was to attend Paula's wedding. (Mission accomplished!) My goal now is to be able to travel to Italy this fall. After that I want to plan a Christmas trip somewhere. Beyond that I would like to make it to my next bonus next summer so that I can pay for all this extravagant travel!

Start of the Clinical Trial

I have a lot of catching up to do, but if I try to do it all at once, I will never get going again on this blog. Suffice it to say that we have been busy. I am writing this as I sit getting more chemo. This time it is a prep drug for the lung cancer vaccine I will be receiving.

I have been declared "in remission" by my doctors. The idea of enrolling in a clinical trial is to continue to be proactive. Otherwise, the medical community really has nothing further to offer other than "monitoring", which I like to refer to as the "wack a mole" approach. Remember the carnival game where you hit the mole with a hammer as it pops up from various holes? That, in a nut shell, is the remaining strategy...if cancer shows up again, we'll "wack it" with more chemo or radiation. To say the least, such a strategy does not inspire confidence, because the same medical community will tell you that once the cancer spreads, it is only a matter of time.

I have elected to enroll in a clinical trial for a new maintenance drug (vaccine). The drug is called L-BLP25 Liposome, also known as Stimuvax. This is a Phase III (blind study) trial. Two thirds of the subjects will get the real deal and one third will get a placebo. After randomization, subjects in the investigational arm will receive, within 3 days of their treatment assignment, a single intravenous (I.V.) infusion of 300 mg/m2 (to a maximum of 600 mg) cyclophosphamide three days
before the first L-BLP25 vaccination. (This is what I had today.) This is followed by eight consecutive weekly subcutaneous vaccinations with L-BLP25 (primary treatment phase) followed by vaccinations with LBLP25 at 6-week intervals, commencing at week 13 (maintenance treatment phase). The study continues and we continue getting shots (one in each arm and two in the stomach) every six weeks until there are signs that the disease has progressed.

In previous studies, Stage IIIA patients who were stable and who received the placebo showed signs of progression of the cancer within 17 months; patients who received L-BLP25 showed signs of progression within 30 months. I am hoping to get the real deal, but we will not know.

Yoko and I had to drive up to New Port Richie (about 2 hours from here). We left the house at 8:15 this morning and arrived at the doctor's office at 10:30AM for our 11 AM appointment. They took blood, vital statisics and I had a physical. The chemo took and hour, but with waiting and all, we did not get out of there until 1:30. By then we were starving, so we ate and then drove home. As soon as we got home we had to get ready for Hurricane Fay...test the generator, move stuff in the house from outside, etc. We have buttoned down the hatches and are ready for whatever comes. It is a good analogy for our whole life these days.

More to come!

Lobbying in Washington DC

Yoko and I went to Washington DC at the end of July. Actually, we were in DC on July 28th and 29th. On the 28th we met with Madeline Otto, who is the legislative assistant to Senator Bill Nelson (Dem-FL). On the 29th we met with Republican Senator Mel Martinez's legislative assistant, Michael Bassett, as well as Kathy Mitchell Deputy Policy Advisor to Representative Tim Mahoney. We were busy while in DC and did not have time to do a lot of touring. We did stroll the Mall after dinner on the 28th and I snapped this rather poor picture.

Here is what I told the legislative aides: Lung cancer killed 160,320 Americans in 2007. That is more than all troops in Iraq. It is like a 747 crashing every day and killing everyone on board. It is four times the number of deaths from breast cancer (40,910) three times the number of deaths from colon cancer (52,180) six times the number of deaths from prostate cancer (27,050) ten times more than liver cancer (16,780) kidney cancer (12,890) and 20 times the number of deaths from melanoma (8,110). In fact, the number of deaths from lung cancer accounts for more than 30% of all cancer deaths. The sad fact is that the National Cancer Institute, the Center for Disease Control and the Department of Defence total budget for cancer research in 2007 was allocated as follows: $971 million for breast cancer; $323 million for prostate cancer; $287 milion for colon cancer and $226 million for lung cancer. That works out to $23,754 per death for breast cancer, and $1,414 per lung cancer death. The NCI' budget is suppose to be a-political, but obviously it is not. Breast cancer (five years or more) survival is now 89%,up from 75% in 1976, prostate cancer survival is 99%, up from 67% in 1976, colon cancer is 64%, up from 50%. But Lung Cancer survival rates are still at 15%, up from 13% in 1976.

People are dying and our government has allowed research priorities to become tainted by politics, rather than making research dollar available where they can do the most good. This is not a matter of "taking dollars away" from breast cancer researchers. It IS a matter of being sure that the 70 million Americans who are current or former smokers get some attention as well.

I asked all three legislative aides to look into supporting The Lung Cancer Mortality Reduction Act, which is a bill (S 3187) introduced by Senators Chuck Hagel and Diane Feinstein. The bill would direct that the NCI, CDC and DOD allocate the dollars necessary to reduce lung cancer mortality by 50% by 2013. The legislation will not be acted upon this session, but we are laying the ground work for the next session of Congress in January.

I explained to the legislative aides that we need a national screening program for lung cancer using low-dose CT scans. Researches estimate that lung cancer mortality could be reduced by 70% if the disease was detected early. X-Ray is not good enough. (I am a case in point.) I explained that lung cancer is deadly because it is generally caught too late (stage III and IV) for effective treatment. Early detection would make a big difference, but there is no agreed standard for screening.

All three legislative aides were naturally sympathetic, but it seemed clear to me that there is no "political points" to be gained from supporting "body part specific" legislation. My point to them was that they can look like leaders (rather than followers) by getting on board with this issue early because lung cancer is going to be an epidemic in this country. At the very least they could call for hearings to have the NCI, et al. explain and defend their budget allocations.

All of these meetings were arranged by a guy named Will Furtado with Lung Cancer Alliance. LCA is the ONLY organization specifically aimed at promoting lung cancer advocacy. It is a small organization with only 7 full time staff and a $2.3 million budget. I promised that I would work with LCA to establish a Florida chapter.

A Visit to Smith Mountain Lake

My sister Jane and her husband David have a place (pictured) at Smith Mountain Lake in southwest Virgina. Jane and David had come to visit us in February and we promised then that we would find time to go visit them in the summer, after I finished my treatments. We kept our word and finally made it to Virginia to see them. The bonus was meeting David's son, Andy and his wife and new born baby girl.

First, though, I have to tell you how long it took to get there. Yoko and I left our home in Florida on Thursday, July 24th at 10 AM. We drove to Stanford, Florida (near Orlando) to take the autotrain to Virginia (rather than driving). The train leaves Florida at 4 PM and is scheduled to arrive just outside of Washington DC at 9 AM the next morning. You have to check in fat least 2 hours before departure (i.e. 2 PM) and it is a three hour trip from our house, Ergo, we left the house at 10 AM to make the train on time.

We arrived in Lorton VA on time, but by the time we got our car, it was already 10:30AM. From there, the drive to Smith Mountain Lake is due west 220 miles. It took Yoko and I about 5.5 hours to make the drive, including a stop to eat and refuel. We got to Jane and David's around 4 PM. So that means it took about 30 hours to get to Janie's place. I told Jane when we arrived, that she could not have picked a place to retire more difficult to get to! We could travel to Beijing in less time! Having said that, this is a beautiful area and just a lovely spot to live, if you can afford it!

Anyway, after arriving, Janie and David wasted no time in showing us the attractions. Friday evening we went for a boat ride to get a feel for the 50 mile long lake followed by dinner. Saturday we were up exploring the lake again. Janie showed us her water skiing skills. (Try as I might, I was never able to get up on the skis. I did manage the jet ski without difficulty!) Andy and family arrived in the afternoon. Jane's next door neighbor hosted a cocktail reception that evening and we had the chance to meet other people from the neighborhood. After another great dinner, we ended the day playing a word game that was a lot of fun. The game is a combination of "Password" and"Time Bomb." You pass a device around that gives you a random word or phrase that you must describe without using the the word or phase itself. Whoever is left holding the device when it goes off is the looser. The best clue of the night was given by Yoko, who said, "looks like Uncle Tim" to which I instantly replied "Paul Newman!"

Sunday morning David, Andy, Pete and I played at David's golf club. It was a hot day and the course was pretty hilly and challenging. I did not play my greatest round, but I enjoyed the course and company.

Given how much time it took us to get there, Yoko and I decided to leave for Washington on Sunday evening, instead of Monday morning as we had originally planned. That turned out to be a good move. We left after dinner and drove for about three hours before arriving at a hotel at 11 PM, in Orange VA, about one and a half hours from DC.

Jane and David were great hosts and we were glad to finally have a chance to see their beautiful Virginia retirement home. I just hope we will be able to visit again...but next time, we'll fly!

Whole Brain Radiation

This is my new Yule Brenner look. But let me explain how this came about.

I finished chemo on May 30th. At that point Scott Lunin told me that there is nothing further to do, other than perhaps WBR (whole brain radiation). (When you do WRB without having any detectable tumors, it is known as PCI -- Prophylactic Cranial Irradiation). The idea is to irradiate the brain before the cancer metastasize to the brain.

My understanding is that the more robust the response lung cancer patients have to chemo and radiation, the more likely it is that the cancer will move to the brain. I think of it like a round-up. We poisoned the body and killed most of the cancer -- to the point where it is not now detectable. The only place of "escape" is the brain, where the blood-brain barrier prevents chemo from working effectively on cancerous cells. PCI will (theoretically) take care of any cancer cells hiding in the brain. At least that is the theory.

Knowing that after consolidation there is no further treatment that we can PROACTIVELY do, I considered whether or not going the next step to PCI was worth the risk. I asked the question to my online Lung Cancer support group. To say the least, the responses were not encouraging. Here is one reply regarding side effects:

Radiation Therapy Side Effects

The side effects of Radiation Therapy can be classified as Acute, Sub acute and Delayed. Acute reactions occur during the course of treatment and are temporary. They are manifested as signs of increased inter-cranial pressure or worsening of neurological deficits. They result from an increase in cerebral edema (abnormal accumulation of fluid). The administration of corticosteroids usually decreases or alleviates symptoms. Steroids are generally administered during the course of therapy to prevent this occurrence. Other acute reactions are nausea, vomiting, anorexia (loss of appetite), fatigue, alopecia (loss of hair) and skin irritation.

Sub acute reactions generally develop one to three months after completion of therapy. These are temporary in nature. Symptoms include anorexia (loss of
appetite), sleepiness, lethargy (drowsiness) and an increase in neurological deficits. These effects result from the temporary disruption of myelin formation, which helps speed the relay of nerve signals. It takes approximately six weeks for myelin to repair.

Delayed reactions usually occur 6-24 months after completion of therapy. These effects are irreversible and often progressive. They result from direct injury to brain tissue and blood vessels. These reactions are due to changes in the white matter and death of brain tissue caused by radiation-damaged blood vessels. Symptoms vary from mild to severe decreased intellect, memory impairment, confusion, personality changes and alteration of the normal function of the area irradiated. Leukoencephalopathy (degeneration of the white matter) occurs at the tumor site and surrounding irradiated brain. The clinical manifestations range from mild cognitive neurological impairment to dementia to death.

Those at increased risk for long-term radiation effects are children less than 2 and adults over 50 years of age. Long-term effects can be initially managed to some degree with corticosteroids and surgery to remove necrotic tissue. Other long-term reactions include loss of vision, development of secondary malignancies (oncogenesis) and pituitary-hypothalamic dysfunction (changes in normal hormone levels) leading to problems with your thyroid, sugar metabolism, fertility or ability to process water.

Sources: International Journal of Radiation Oncology
University of Pittsburgh Medical Center

You get the idea. Electing to have PCI was not something you decide lightly. I spoke at length with my doctors, other cancer patients, researched what I could on the internet, etc. At the end of the day, there was no medical studies that said it was PROVEN to be a good idea, but then, there were no studies that said it was NOT! Part of the problem here is that your doctor does not want to give medical advice that is not "evidenced based." The fact of the matter is, while it might make logical sense, it has not been proven and is therefore not typically recommended.

I decided that I would rather be dummied down than dead. What do I have to loose? If I DON'T do it and develop brain cancer, I will kick myself for not having tried. If I never develop brain cancer I will look back on it as having perhaps been a contributor to helping me survive. If I get brain cancer 3 years from now because, who is to say I would not have developed it anyway? The way I looked at it, I have little to loose and everything to gain by giving it a try.

It turned out that, in order to enter the clinical trial, I had to have my last treatment (including chemo and radiation) within a certain window of time, which worked out to be July 18th. If I did not get the PCI done by that date, I would become ineligible for the clinical trial.

I got back from the wedding on June 14th. I began PCI on June 30th. The treatment required that they stretch a mask over you to position you for the machine. As in the chest radiation, there was a certain amount of set-up time required.

Once the set-up was complete I went to 21st Century Oncology every day before work for three weeks, with each session lasting only a few minutes (2 grays per day X 15 days). The 30 grays was half of what I got in radiation to my right lung. I was lucky in that I was able to complete the treatment without the use of steroids. The only side effect was the loss of hair. I was loosing it in patches and decided to simply shave my head. It has not since come back!

I am glad to have done this as I don't believe I am going to suffer any bad side effects. I want to have done everything possible to prevent the cancer from returning. Realistically I know that the cancer can (and probably will) come back. I would like to at least have the satisfaction of putting up a good fight. Now it is on to the vaccinations and clinical trial! Let's roll!

Post-Wedding Trip to Rancho Mirage and La Jolla

I have to say a few words about our post-Wedding trip to Rancho Mirage and La Jolla.

A lot of our good friends made a special effort to come to the wedding, including some of my Rotarian golfing buddies from Florida. Since we were in California, we thought it would be fun to do a little golfing while we were there. Initially we were thinking of traveling around the state to play different courses. Ultimately we decided that it would be smarter to find someplace to go, not too far away, that would be relaxing and where we could unwind from all the Wedding hoopla. Via the Internet I found the Rancho Mirage Los Palmas Resort, which is about 2 hours or so from LA. The summer package offering was $220 per night and included unlimited daily golf and a spa treatment of your choice. It turned out to be the perfect choice. On Sunday, June 8th, we hung around the hotel and said our goodbyes to family and friends. We had the opportunity to have breakfast with my mother and sisters before they left. Later, we met up with Linda and Maurice Oppe to spend some time with them.

Yoko and I checked out of the hotel and left for the airport Hertz Car Rental around 3 PM. We picked up a car (with GPS navigation) and headed toward Palm Springs around 4 PM. We got into Palm Spings by 6:30 PM as planned and were met there by Chris and Karen Maher, Eric and Diane Madsen, and Brian and Lori Brunderman.

On Monday morning (early) the four boys went golfing while the four girls enjoyed a spa treatment. That afternoon we hung out at the pool together and in the evening we had dinner together at the resort. Tuesday morning was a repeat of Monday. Tuesday afternoon after lunch the Brundermans and Maher's left for North California. The Madsen's hung around till later that day. When they left, Yoko and I made dinner plans to eat at a local Japanese restaurant (not very good) and then went to visit a casino (not too exciting)

Wednesday morning Yoko followed me around the golf course taking photos while I golfed. I played in the low 80's that day, much better than when I was playing with my friends! Oh well. The course was beautiful, but what Yoko remembers most about that day wasn't the golf. It was watching the Mexican workers climb the palm trees to trim them. (They use a ladder to go about half way up, and then shimmy the rest of the way to get to the top.) Wednesday afternoon Yoko and I took the tram up the mountain and had lunch at 12,000 feet, with a view of the desert more than two miles below.

I really liked Palm Springs and thought it would be a nice place to live or to be retired, especially since it is pretty likely Paula and June will end up living permanently on the West Coast. We decided to look at some model homes that Wednesday afternoon, but in the end, Yoko was not convinced that it would be a good place for her. Too hot and sunny!

On Thursday we left Palm Springs in the afternoon to make our way down to La Jolla, where we stayed with Mark and Yuko Campbell. What can you say about La Jolla. Nice town...great place to live, but better have a few bucks to live there! (Yoko would love to live in La Jolla., near the Campbells.) Yuko is a great cook and an entertaining personality. We had Indian and green curry the night we arrived. My mouth is watering now thinking about how good it was. On the second night, Yuko made Korean barbque. We toured La Jolla and had a good time visiting. The Campbells are always fun to see.

We left La Jolla for LA that Friday night July 13th, in order to catch an early morning flight. We returned the car directly to Hertz and got a ride to the Radison, where we had stayed the first night in LA. And all of a sudden, the trip we had planned for over a year was over. It could not have gone more smoothly or been better planned. Yoko and I were glad to have had time to spend some quality time with so many of our friends at the wedding and afterward.

The Wedding

I never had time to comment on the wedding of Paula and Brian, which took place on June 7th in Santa Monica. In a nutshell, it was a fantastic celebration that went off without a hitch.

Yoko, Jessie and I left for Los Angeles on Tuesday, June 3rd. We wanted to be there ahead of Yoko's sister, who was planning to arrive on Wednesday, June 4th. We stayed at the airport Radison on the 3rd and then moved to the Santa Monica Lowes the morning of the 4th. Noriko, Ryunosuke and Yurika arrived at the Lowes around noon on the 4th. We hung out at the pool and generally did nothing that first day. I had finished chemo on May 30th and we wanted to be sure that I would not be sick at the wedding. On Thursday the 5th we took Noriko and the kids down to the beach and then walked around the Santa Monica Pier. We made our way to the Third Street Promenade, where we met up with June, Paula and Brian for what turned out to be an impromptu family luncheon at an Italian restaurant, Tresteverde.

The day before the wedding, June 6th, Brian, Mike (Brian's Dad) and I played golf at the Malibu Country Club, which is about 6 miles inland from the Coast Road (Route One) in Malibu. This is a hilly golf course in the Malibu canyons. The course was beautiful, but I played poorly and was roundly beat by my future son-in-law. We had lunch at the course and made it back the hotel in time to take a nap and get ready for the wedding rehearsal.

While I was golfing, Yoko and our entourage, moved from the Santa Monica Lowes to Shutters on the Beach. I learned when I got to the hotel that, in the move, Yoko had neglected to take my cell phone charger. Presumably it was still in the room at the Lowes. This left me with a cell phone half out of juice. The rehearsal was at 5 PM followed by the rehearsal diner at 7:30 at an outdoor Italian restaurant near Venice Beach. The rehearsal started and ended in about 15 minutes. With about 2 hours kill, I decided to go to the Lowes to see if I could recover my charger. That turned out to be wild goose chase. First I went to the front desk, to see if someone had recovered the charger. They sent me to security, in the basement, who had boxes and boxes of cell phone chargers (no two of which were the same!). The security guard then walked me up to the room to check and see if it was still plugged into the wall. (It wasn't.) An hour and a half later, I finally gave up and returned to the hotel for our ride to the rehersal dinner.

The rehearsal dinner took place at the kind of place that offers basic Italian fare (macaroni and meatballs) and lots of Chianti. Everyone had a good time. Paula and Brian had gifts for the bridesmaids and groomsmen as well as to Brian's parents and Yoko and I. They presented the parents with framed caricature drawing of the wedding party. It was a nice memento of the wedding that we have since hung in Jessie's bedroom.

After the rehearsal dinner, we went back to the hotel. Yoko and I had plans to meet John and Kumiko Sunley at 10 PM for drinks in the lobby of the Casa del Mar Hotel, next to Shutters. Yoko and I were there almost an hour before anyone showed. Eventually, my whole family started to trickle in...first Jane and David, my Mom, my brother Frank and his kids, then Linda, and Peggy and Jim Mahan and their two kids, then the Sunleys, then my other nieces and nephews. By the time everyone had gathered there must have been 40 people sitting around drinking. Luckily, everyone was tired and the gathering dissipated relatively early.

To be honest, I don't remember much about the day of the wedding, except that I had a lot of time to kill. My phone had run out of juice and I decided that I would go to Circuit City to get a replacement. I took a cab to the store, bought a charger while the cab waited, and returned to the hotel. Total cost....$83. I told the cab driver on the way back that my daughter was being married in Santa Monica and I felt like a one-man stimulus package!

The rest of the day was spent waiting around for the ceremony to begin. People have asked me if I cried at my daughter's wedding...and I like to joke that no...I cried weeks before when I wrote the check! The reality was that the wedding and the setting was beautiful and I was overcome with emotion walking my daughter down the isle.

We had a strategy to reduce the cost of the open bar. When the ceremony ended, we had 100 Mimosa ready for our 158 guests, so they could immediately have a drink without having to crowd up to the open bar. That worked out well. It was great to see so many of our friends gathered to wish our family well. (In many cases, our friends from Japan had never met our friends from Florida, or our really old friends from PA!)

People moved down to the reception at 7:30PM as scheduled. The reception began at 8 PM. I had two big moments during the reception. The first was my short speech, which I diligently worked on the week before. The second was the selection of the "Father-Daughter Dance Song." I choose "Dance with My Father" by Luther Vandross. I think the speech and my choice of a song were big hits. Selecting the song took months...and keeping my selection a secret turned out to be a good idea, I think.

All in all, it seemed that everyone had a good time (without getting sloppy drunk) and the wedding was a rousing success. It was a year in the planning and over in an instant.

The guests were given a parting gift of M&Ms, inside of which was a message from Paula and Brian that said, "It means so much to have you here today that we wanted to say thank you in a very special way. Though this gift could never repay you what we owe for your time, love and friendship, please take one as you go. In lieu of a traditional favor we have made a contribution in support of our loved ones to The Lung Cancer Alliance. We feel the finest gift is one that helps others live longer and healthier lives." (Yoko reminded me that I neglected to mention this in my original post, but we were truly touched and proud that Paula and Brian would make such a thoughtful gesture.)

For posterity's sake, I'll end this by posting my wedding speech, which was as follows:

Abraham Lincoln once said that the concept of two people living together for 25 years without a serious dispute, suggests a lack of spirit to be admired only in sheep.

Speaking for Yoko and myself, the first thing I want to say… is to Brian. We are so glad you found Paula and that Paula found you. In a marriage, BEING the right person is as important as finding the right person. We know you love Paula deeply and are the right man for her. We know you will try hard each and every day to make her happy. And it won’t be easy. My marital advice to you is never go to bed angry. Stay up and fight.

I also want to thank Margaret, Mike, Patrick and Kristin for making Paula feel like a Mara. We couldn't be happier that you are now her in-laws. We thank you for welcoming her into your family with open arms. Since you are all come from law-enforcement, I know she’ll be safe from crime and can look forward to a good pension.

Paula, I must say you are the most radiant bride I have ever seen. You look beautiful and so happy. I also have some marital advice to you that comes from Oscar Wilde. He said, "A man’s friends likes him and leaves him as he is; but a wife loves him and is always trying to turn him into someone else." You told me Brian is perfect for you…now leave him alone! You’ve done a marvelous job getting ready for this day. Congratulations sweetheart! I love you!

The funny thing about this wedding is virtually no one attending tonight actually lives here. I want to thank all of our other guests for taking time to attend and everything you have done for Brian and Paula. Some of you came from a great distance to be here. Yoko and I know what a sacrifice it was for ALL of you to come and we want to thank you for making such a special effort to be here. We could not be happier to have the chance to spend time with all of you. I hope you will have a good time celebrating this day with us. We love you all.

I’d like you to all now join me in a Japanese toast to the bride and groom. Repeat after me…Kampai!

Getting Re-engaged

I have not blogged since before Paula's wedding so there is a lot to catch up on. Since catching up will be a large undertaking, I've decided to post just the topics I will be covering and adding to each as time goes on.

Small World

We delivered on Project Graduation last night. I am relieved to say that it was as good (if not better) than any other celebration we have done. I don't have a final head-count, but it appears we had about 300 kids, or about 75% of the graduating class in attendance. We must have had 60 or more parents volunteering and working the event. The High School administrators decided that they wanted to hand out the diplommas at the end of the event, but no one told us about it. We had people coming at 5 AM to begin the tear-down, but Chris handled it.

There were (as there always are) a few incidents, including one celebrating graduate who had a seizure. Anyway, it all went off relatively well. We had great leadership and parent group to pull the whole thing off. This year's "theme" was Road Trip -- thus the sign!

My next big event was the end of chemo today! No more infusions or shots...it is now down to getting my blood back to normal, which will take some time. I came down with a cold but Dr Lunin prescribed an antibiotic, which mostly knocked it out. I am going to take it easy this weekend and hope to be fully recovered before I get on a plane Tuesday.

I also had a meeting today with a potential donor who could put SVDP on a solid financial footing. Say a prayer that this donor makes a decision to proceed. I am hoping to hear something next week.

While I was at Project Graduation I learned about two more people with cancer. One was the cousin of a friend of mine. Only 39 years old, discoved at the same time as me. He died last Friday because he gave up from the start and elected not to have treatment for six month. What a crying shame.

Now, you want to hear something funny? I sent out an inquiry using the internet to find a travel agent to help me plan a dream trip to Italy in September. To make a long story short, they sent me three matches. The one I selected is a woman named Mary. Speaking with her tonight, I discovered that the internet dream trip agent I selected will be Mary Cannaly, someone I was in schoolwith from seventh grade until I left for Japan as a senior! I have not seen nor spoken with Mary since I was a High Schoool junior. God works in mysterious ways.