Preparing for Week Five Chemo

Today I finished my 18th radiation treatment, so I am half way done with radiation on the tumor in my lung. I have not had much by way of ill effects from the radiation. I am really not feeling any ill effects from the chemo either. Tomorrow I will have my 19th radiation treatment and my 5th chemo treatment. I spent the entire week doing the things I always do. Tonight I had another investment seminar (with 28 people in attendance, by the way) and got home at 9 PM.

Last week Dr Lunin read my blog prior to our appointment and was able to tell me how I feel when I walked into the room. This blog is a test to see if he does it again. Scott, I feel fine. I have a rash on my skin you should check out that I think is from the radiation. Also Yoko has a rash on both her arms and wants to know if that could be caused by contamination from me. Other than that, I have no complaints. I think you'll find I weigh the same 149 pounds. My lungs are clear. No joint pain. No cough. You can feel my neck and shoulders but I don't think you will find anything. (What are you looking for anyway?) I'm betting that my blood work will remain within the normal range. I am less tired than I was in week one and two. I did not come home to take a nap or alter my normal schedule in any way. I don't think by looking at me you would have any idea I am being treated for cancer.

I DO have a few questions this week; if I am tolerating the treatment this well, why would we not increase the dosage of taxol and cisplatin? Wouldn't we be better off to be more aggressive now? Is the low dosage approach in consideration of keeping me working or my desire not to let people know? Does that kind of thing influence your thinking when you decide dosage?

My second question is what thoughts you have with regard to a continuing regiment once we do the re-staging. Last week you intimated that you would plan to continue treatments after re staging. What drugs do you have in mind? Would the next stage of chemo be similar to the current stage (i.e. once a week for six hours)?

I am very hyped up after chemo because of the steroids. (Eat your heart out Barry Bonds!) I fully expect to be going 100 mph by 5 PM tomorrow night. Is there anything that would counteract the steroids? Would drinking alcohol, for example, be OK? (Yoko and I are planning to attend a party tomorrow night.) I have generally avoided any drinking since starting chemo.

The thing I am still struggling most with is who to tell. My thinking was that it was better to tell no one except my immediate family. So I have not told any of my close friends. Right now the only people who know about this are family and a select few people at work. But the longer this goes on, the more I will have to lie to keep it secret. Inevitably, people are going to know and then they want to know why I did not tell them.

I received a call from a client this afternoon to make an appointment. My client expressed concern that I had been out of the office a lot when he called. He specifically asked if I was sick and whether I was OK...almost like he knew something was wrong but wasn't saying. (Maybe he found this blog site online!) I told the client I'm fine and made an appointment with him for 10 AM on November 29th; right after that that I got call from Dr. Lunin's office saying they want to change my November 30th treatment date to the 29th. Do I call the client back to change the appointment? The same thing is happening with my Rotarian friends, who noticed I had missed a lot of meetings in the past 6 weeks. Last night at the St Vincent de Paul board meeting, I was asked to attend a two-day Building Better Boards conference. I could not say yes because I do not yet know what my treatment regiment may be in January.

Bottom line is that I am beginning to think that trying to keep this thing a secret is going to ultimately fail and perhaps backfire. (i.e. People find out but don't say anything and then wonder why I am being deceitful about telling them.) So I need to come up with a better strategy. One thought I had would be to meet with each of my clients (during year end reviews for example) together with my partner Ryan and tell them in person what is going on and just assure them that, whatever happens, Ryan and I am going to make sure they are well looked after. Perhaps I should let a few of my closest friends know about my condition. Shouldn't I tell my friends who are not here in town?

If you are reading this blog, let me know your opinion. Should I continue as I am currently or should I let clients and friends know what is going on with me? If I disclose this to clients, should I also tell prospects who will also eventually find out? I am not looking for sympathy. I simply don't want to lie when I know that the truth will eventually come out. Your thoughts??